Monday, June 6, 2011

How To Burn Yourself While Doing the Dishes (A Tutorial)

1. Fill sink with hot, soapy water to wash the handful of dishes from supper.

2. Wash half of the dishes.

3. Grab pot on the stove not realizing that the burner is still on. This will burn your hand from the tip of your pointer finger to the tip of your thumb.

4. Drop pot.

5. Get out potholder, carry pot to sink.

6. Forget that the spoon inside the pot is probably hot as well; grab spoon with the same hand you grabbed the pot with. (So I'm not the brightest crayon in the box....)

7. Drop spoon.

8. Open freezer and grab closest chunk of ice you can get your hand on.

9. While holding ice, google "what to do for a burn."

10. Find website that says, "Do not put ice directly on burn as this can damage the skin even more."

11. Drop ice.

12. Shove your hand into the closest cold water you can...which happens to be your glass of ice water. (You must take the ice out first, though. See #10)

13. While holding your hand in your glass, go raid your roommates bathroom looking for anything that remotely says "aloe" on it. (Love ya, Lydia!)

14. Rub aloe lotion on the burn.

15. Still feel lots of pain? Just stick your hand back in your glass of cold water! (Warning: this will make your water kind of cloudy, so I would recommend NOT drinking it after.)

16. Once some of the pain goes away, you can take your hand out of your glass. Rub some more aloe on it for good measure.

17. Put the remainder of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Following these steps should successfully render you helpless for the rest of the day. Now join me as I curl up in a fetal position and rock back and forth.


  1. way to be a "living sacrifice," Nicole!

  2. OUCH!! :(

    I've done something similar...except my burn involved putting a pan of still hot water into the dishwater (not thinking about the heat increase...) and plunging both my hands into the then boiling hot dishwater.

  3. Ha, ha Omar, I hadn't thought of it that way!


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